My Intuitive Mentor told me a couple of months ago that I was standing at The Portal. And, I’m like, “Where? I don’t see it!” She meant that I was no longer willing to do things the way I had been. She was right, yet I didn’t know where to go next. She said to move into the feeling of the vibration of where I wanted to be. Ummm? Huh?
I knew an inner storm was brewing, (see my last blog The Storm Within) and yet I didn’t have a clue about the location of The Portal of transformation– and believe me I was looking both inside and outside myself! I put down some activities where I was spinning my wheels. I then started spending more time in places that fed my soul – art galleries, bookstores, metaphysical stores, classes on Poetry and Myth and Ritual. I wasn’t sure where this was taking me, but it felt good to just be in the energetic vibration of those places. They soothed my stormy soul.
It was not long before I had the urge to create my own art. It had been several years since I made a mask – something I used to do regularly. I had set the writer/artist part of myself aside while doing all the things I was supposed to do to make a successful business – only I was giving waaaaay more effort than I was receiving in benefits.
In terms of the chakras, I had an overactive third chakra (workaholism), while at the same time under active second and fifth chakras (fluidity, creative impulse and self-expression).
As I worked on my mask, things began to shift vibrationally for me. The Portal! I stepped through it before I saw it for was it was – and now there’s no going back!
I was hoping that once I was on the other side of The Portal I would feel less stormy – but I’m not quite there yet. I know it will come. It’s uncomfortable being faced with a new frontier (or in this case, a big change in perspective). There are a lot of unknowns, which bring up fear. I bump up against old beliefs about who I am, what I am supposed to do with my life/career, and the judgement of others.
So, I do the only thing I know – I surrender to it. I say yes to the discomfort, the fears, the possible judgements. Surrendering does’t mean giving up. It means allowing myself time to process and shift – to be gentle with myself, as much as I can. And ultimately, I surrender to Source (seventh chakra) to guide me.
In the midst of it all, I am lightly stepping into this new frontier, and some very cool things are on the horizon – Stay tuned!
I’m curious – has anyone else gone through A Portal? Drop me a line, I would love to hear about your journey.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
