The Sacred NO

I’ve had several situations in the last couple of weeks where I’ve been on the fence about whether to say “yes” or “no”. Some of these were bigger decisions, but most were everyday kind of interactions.For instance, I got a text message from a colleague that wanted to meet over the phone with me on Sunday or Monday. While my schedule technically had space on Sunday, I had carved out that time for myself and my family. Monday, I probably could squeeze her in, but then it would be a crazy day, rather than a more manageable one. So why was I so indecisive?

My internal dialogue went something like this. “I guess I could do it, but I really could use some downtime.” “What if this is the only time she can meet?” “I probably should do it, or she might judge me.” “But she stood me up last week.”

I was a little annoyed at this women for standing me up, she knew ahead of time she wouldn’t be able to meet and could have give me a heads up, but didn’t. And that too clouded my ability to get neutral about my answer. Was I saying “no” because I was annoyed and this was payback?

My feelings and dialogue about this are embedded in an old belief system. One that pops up despite all the inner work I’ve done because it is deeply rooted in my upbringing and our culture – that women need to be accommodating. I “know” all this and still I get tripped up at times.

When I say “yes” to things that are not in my best interest, I disconnect energetically from my first (root) chakra, third (solar-plexus) chakra, and fifth (throat) chakra. The root chakra is correlated with security and belonging. My inner wounded child feels scared when I say “no” because I’m not following cultural expectations. I give away my personal power when I don’t stand in my truth – energetically centered in the solar-plexus chakra. Saying “yes” when I mean “no” disrupts the energy in my throat chakra – the center of my authentic communication.

So how do I reconnect my energy so that I can act from a place of balance and clarity? I take a Chakra Walk. Starting with my root chakra and ending with my crown chakra, I spend time focusing on each of my energy centers and imagine what they might say to me. This helps me connect with my present energy instead of past conditioning or future dialogues.

I’m always able to change my energy through this exercise. I gain perspective and I get centered in my authentic needs and desires. Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Incidentally, I told my colleague “No, that won’t work for me.” I needed to honor my sacred boundaries, while at the same time, stay in my heart center (fourth chakra). We were able to connect at another time, a time that worked well for both of us. At the end of that meeting, I was able to share (from a heart-centered place) that I would have appreciated a heads up about her inability to meet. She received the feedback graciously and apologized.

Staying centered in my heart chakra, while being conscious of creating potential energy imbalances in my first, second and third chakras helped me to manifest a win-win for both of us.